Fuck... no one notice

Yesterday, I had a bad flue and massive headache. And I think I might have a slight fever.

Yesterday, my college had open day. So my mom and me went. Then, I started to feel the headache and started to get heaty. But I ignore, and keep lining against my mom.

Later I start go to my society meeting. Damn... headache became massive and I just keep quiet about it. I thought Emily would notice, but she didn't =\

the next day, which was today, I came to college with a bad cough and bad flue. And I lack of sleep again. I can't fall asleep! The headache or the heat keep waking me up.

My cough was so bad and no one asked about me, instead my friends asked another friend that was sick last week and had recover.

I hinted Linda that I'm sick, she was like didn't care. Wth... haiz...

Feel bad for mom

Ever since my mom have naik pangkat, I could feel that the distance with her and her colleages have gotten further.

Sometimes she share her feelings about them to me. So even I feel unfair for her.

Last time, they should to use a lot of things together. Ever since then, I could see they have change. When my mom had change department, the colleages still cared about me. Sometimes will left some food for me, help my mom to look out for me.

Like I said, things change. One of the reasons was my mom live quite far compare with Emily's mom with Linda's mom. (Yeah, our moms are college, that's why we knew each other) . Even there was a lot of things between colleagues, my mom was like usually was in their gang (you know, like those in school, kids will have their own gangs, they are something like that) . Now is like my mom kinda left out from the gang.

I'm writing this because of one of the incident, was quite recent. Yes... my mom is a teacher in a school. I just finish my spm last year and last week, we could collect the real cert from the office.

I said it before, Linda is my current classmate, so she inform another classmate that was also same secondary school. I was half surprise why my mom didnt mention about it. My mom didn't know, I can't blame her that she do not know, cause I always see her quite stress out with school problems and stuff. Sometimes is better not to ask about the problem, since it was private and confidential. So I thought eventually she'll know from office staff.

But the teacher in charged of SPM is one of my mom's close friend. She didn't even inform her.

The next day after I knew that could collect, (even myself forgot to mention to my mom about collecting the cert) , I got a message from Em, said that she gonna collect the cert and shun bian pass me her souvenirs from her trip from Korea.

Later that night, I asked my mom about the souvenirs from Em. And she also helped me collect my cert. When I heard her say, if Em's mom(Em didn't go, her mom help to collect) didn't look for my mom, she wouldn't know that we could collect the cert already.

That thought hurts me. Why her friendship between her colleagues change just because she had naik pangkat? She felt like she had betrayed by her friends.

When she naik pangkat, she still trying hard to keep her friends, everyone of her friend's birthday, she sure will buy Secret Recipe cake for them or any present to show her sincerity. But when her birthday, no one gave her anything. Except her ex-colleagues.

She is a nice lady. Why society look at people's position so highly until forgotten the friendship that they used to have.

Crush and crushes

Omg... I wish I don't have a crush or something... I have this habit of having crush every year. And I don't like it.

It started when I was just primary school. I'll have different crush in different years. But if I'm with the same classmates for the different year, then most probably my crush will be same.

During secondary school, I joined societies, clubs, house practice. So I know or see more people.. so mostly I'll have crushes from there, but it wasn't as bad as primary school. To be honest, I only liked 3 guys. form 2 till 3 one guy (house practice), form 4 one guy (saw him in a mall and he caught my eye, then didn't expect him that he was in the same uniform unit) and form 5 one (classmate)

Now!! College is gotten worst!! My 1st sem coursemate, there's one guy I'm interested, but later found out that he was taken, so I manage to not think of him. Then my moral studies, we had join  with few groups of seniors. And this one guy look super cute, but deep down, he was out of my league. So forgot it...

Then here comes 2nd sem, I don't know why I keep noticing him, like little things. I had two classes with him. One class I purposely sit behind him, and another he sit next to me (this time I didn't purposely sit next to him, he asked himself to sit there o_O)

then weeks later, I overheard his conversation with one of my coursemate about fetch him to his place... Wait... it sounds confusing... okay... let's say the guy I'm interested now is Nathan and my coursemate is Adam. So Adam asked Nathan jokingly to fetch Adam to Nathan's place. Then Nathan reply, can't, cause need to pick up girlfriend. I hope I listened wrong, but part of me also hope it was true, so I could stop be interested in him.

Haiz.. but it's hard when he sit next to me. Even recently that I said some mistake, then he lightly hit me on the head with a paper. Then yesterday, while walking back to my car after class, I was humming a random song, minding I own business, taking my own sweet time. Then suddenly from behind he wack my bag me with his file and talk to me for a few sentence then he walk off like a he was in hurry...

At that moment, I was so confuse! I'm that kind of person easily influence. Maybe the actions were just to be a friendly classmate, my mind playing tricks in my brain said that he might giving hints... WTH??

Why my head is so complicated??

College life

It had been very long since I write this blog. I think that, th's purpose of this blog is to spill my mind out. When I'm stress I will probably write here if I can't share with friends around me.

So yeah.... my college life started and my results wasn't that good. Obviously... Now I'm on my 2nd sem of foundation.

Haiz... From the 1st sem, I don't have much close classmates, I could say I'm in a gang of 5. Every class sure will have one gang very active, so they don't really mix much with us.

Even now, in my group, I could feel there's a gap or boundary between the gang and me. Maybe is my results made the gap? Or I do not have enough exposure so nothing to talk about? Or my interest are very different with others.

Even when I try to share my interest with them, I could see their facial expression shows that they're not interested :(

Haiz... what to do?